Burn Into My Skin
by Foxy Moxie
Summary: He left her, but it's tearing him apart. How the Sailor Moon R arc should have gone.


Burn into My Skin

By Anna Crosswell

AN: Usagi/Mamoru with Scouts. AU, multi-chapter, unbeta'd but read over and spell checked so please ignore any glaringly obvious mistakes.

Summary: Set during the time Usagi and Mamoru broke up with some obvious changes to spice up the rating and make it everything I ached for while growing up. I hope you enjoy going down the rabbit hole with me! If you do, leave a little review to let others know that you're loving the direction of this story. Each chapter will be a "stand a lone" but will interconnect... kind of like episodes of a tv show.

Disclaimer: Rated M for mature-though I won't be crossing into the NC-17 territory, I'll definitely be toeing the line. I don't own Sailor Moon or any recognized characters and if something sounds familiar, please note that I'm not stealing from anyone else's work, though it is kind of hard to be 100% original in a fandom that's been around for twenty years.

* * *

_God this hurts._ The growing ache that only got worse with time, suffocating him, making his head spin in agony as his heart cried out, "_Why damn it?_ _I don't understand…"_

Mamoru fell back against his pillows and rubbed the sweat from his brow, ragged breaths filling the silence of the bitter black, empty bedroom filled only with necessities and one lonely picture that sat on the nightstand. His gaze landed on that lonely picture, the only thing of _her _he couldn't get rid of no matter how much logic demanded it of on Earth was he supposed to stay strong with her happy baby blues piercing his own darker shade of ocean lit eyes?

The urge to scream and break something was unbearably strong; a vortex of anger spiraling out of control. _God_ he couldn't take much more of this. He ripped their hearts out. What more did the fucking dream want from him? Was it even real?

He tried closing his eyes before they shot open once more. Visions of unsurpassed beauty walking down an aisle headed for him, delicate roses he'd conjured just for her wrapped around spun gold strands of silky tresses, her blinding smile that was just for him…and then a terrified scream ripped from her supple pink lips as the Earth rumbled and shook beneath their feet. Seconds later she was gone, falling down, down_, down _into black abyss.

No, Mamoru reminded himself. The never ending dreams about his princess that haunted him his entire life ended up being real. It _was _possible that this one would too, and he didn't like the odds. If he didn't listen to the ominous voice that told him this would be was his destiny if he stayed with Usagi, all that glorious beauty inside and out would be ripped from this world, _his world,_ and not having her in his life was better than her being dead.

He could deal with the pain. He'd known pain all his life-waking up all alone in a hospital with no memories of his past, orphaned and alone. The loneliness of never being able to fully let his walls down, barring him from forming friendships- that was pain. But this, _this_ agony that ate at him, was worse than anything, because his little Usako had wiggled her way into his heart and demolished his walls, brick by brick, never allowing the loneliness to touch him with her around. She had been his breath, and without her he was suffocating.

For a while he had been happy, but it was a false sense of security. Who was he to honestly believe that he had the right to stand in her sunshine? He was darkness incarnate. He was the darkness that stole the light from Usako's eyes and brought only anguish.

Unable to take it for one more moment, Mamoru allow the anger to unleash as he tore out of the bed and picked up the picture, mocking him with what he wasn't allowed to have, and threw it with all his might against the wall. The sounds of shattering glass offered him a moment's reprieve from the turmoil that burned in his veins before he dashed to the other side of his room, near the dresser and bent to lovingly rescue the image from the tattered frame.

He was a masochistic bastard. Standing to his full height of six foot three inches, he slid the picture of Usagi and he wrapped in a lover's embrace, smiles as wide as the Pacific Ocean, into the lip of his mirror that hung on the wall above his dresser. The mirror he always used to get ready in the mornings. The mirror he could see clearly from his bed.

He sighed in defeat and fled his room. The desolate place with that haunting picture. Escaping to his living room, Mamoru felt the clutch on his lungs loosen, breathing coming a little bit easier, though not by much, because even though he didn't have Usagi's picture staring at him, there were still the memories of her jumping on his couch in excitement over the A she got in history after spending the whole week before studying at his kitchen table. Memories of her tackling him to the floor, happy to see him after a grueling day at school. Her never ending happiness-

A fist flew through the nearest wall. Why couldn't he turn his mind off? Why did everything have to keep circling around her? Why couldn't he have left her alone, knowing somehow he'd end up letting her down and breaking her tender heart. He had no business entertaining thoughts of love, and marriage, and a forever kind of relationship with her. She was too good for him. Her innocence, despite her super hero extracurricular activities, should never have been tainted by him. He was toxic just like the dream kept repeating to him over, and over, and _over_ again.

Sinking down into the plush carpet, bits of plaster dust sprinkling his hair, Mamoru pulled up his legs and wept.

* * *

Just a short little preview. I'm busy finishing up the next chapter and it'll be longer than this one. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think :)


End file.
